First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
