shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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