please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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