i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
