She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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