No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
