I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize