Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
