that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
