I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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