I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize