I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just pee around me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
