Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how can u be prego again
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
