She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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