omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
