everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
