I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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