I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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