we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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