alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Use "feeling words"
Yay
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
