She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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