we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
