I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
