We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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