I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
