Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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