What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we're making bets on your personal life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
me + whiskey = a bad person
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
