mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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