I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
