Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
