I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
