My friends, they love my intelligence
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
