so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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