A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
