i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
