new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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