Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
