I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
