Ambien. No doubt about it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
