i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
