you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
