does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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