please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
