I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
