I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize