What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
