omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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