Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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