Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Come share oat with me in your robe
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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