I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
