Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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