I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
