I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she peed on how many people?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
