your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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