i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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