i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
