I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
