your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize