No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize