I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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