so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
