he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
