That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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