My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
