My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
