Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i drank out of a bidet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
