Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
