Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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