The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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