Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
