I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
